Dreams remind me…Like I really need to be reminded!

My life, almost 45 years of it, like anyone else, has been difficult. I know we are not supposed to look back. Learn from it and move on. It is hard when you dream about it! I have made wrong choices. I have loved too much and been taking advantage of. I am a trusting person. I have been second choice in the love department more than once. I have had people come back later and say they realize how wrong they were and apologize. I guess that makes me feel better LOL. Single mom.. did the best I could. I was sick a lot. Whether it be allergies, asthma, migraines… whatever. Now I know it was Lupus causing my issues. Lupus can be caused by stress to the body from LIFE! I know there are other factors too but I feel that with all I have been through this is the result. I try to stay positive and think surely this is not the hand I was dealt. It never helps to be negative. I try to live each day as positive as I can.

With the medication I am on, I have crazy, vivid dreams. This is not always a good thing. I dream about specific times in my life and relive it. Sometimes it makes me think about how different my life would be if that moment would have turned out differently. It also brings back feelings of never being good enough. Not even for myself. People pleaser. I’ve been called that more than once. I know not only chronically ill people have these thoughts and dreams. I hate it. My life has had wonderful times too… my children are a blessing. Why do the bad things always stand out. Ugh

We all just want to be appreciated and loved. We want to be recognized for the job we do at work. We want to live a life of peace. I hope that everyone who reads this has that❤️

It has been awhile…..

My journey the past few months has been about listening to my body. Having a chronic illness is not easy but I am doing everything I can to make it as easy as it can be to live with. I have now been diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthiritis so that makes 4 autoimmune diseases. YAY ME! My medication is now Humira. I give myself an injection every 2 weeks. I dread it every other Thursday but it seems to be working better than plaquenil and methotrexate. Before my huge flare and diagnosis, I had lost a lot of weight and inches. I was feeling amazing and more confident than ever. Now with my medication, lots of sleep and lack of exercise, I have gained a lot of it back. I was so proud of myself last weekend when I walked 2 miles Saturday and again on Sunday. It was a huge milestone. I have continued to walk more and more at work and then today it came to a screeching halt. My body aches all over … pain is unreal. It is a watch movies and write a blog kinda day. Don’t get me wrong, I feel better than I have since July, but I have learned to listen to my body. Some days I go with only 7 hours sleep. Then it hits and I sleep 12 straight. I have no control. That is Lupus. If you push it one day you will pay ..maybe not the next day but it’s coming. Usually is the next though. The fatigue is something I can’t describe. And my diseases affect my knees and hands horribly. Pain some days is unbearable but I get up, get dressed and get on with my day. If I don’t I’ll sit and wallow in self pity. If I proceed with conquering the day, I will! See Lupies  don’t want to complain… we go on like nothing is wrong because you wouldn’t understand anyway. Just what we do. We do not like to complain….

Have an amazing day❤️